


Saying I Love You

by WritingAngelMarie



Category: Saiyuki (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Explicit Language, Family, Friendship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-15
Updated: 2020-05-14
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:26:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,911
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24189616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WritingAngelMarie/pseuds/WritingAngelMarie
Summary: Goku overhears people saying they love each other and feels the need to tell Sanzo how much he means to him, using those three words.
Relationships: Cho Hakkai/Sha Gojyo, Genjo Sanzo/Son Goku
Comments: 1
Kudos: 11





	Saying I Love You

**Author's Note:**

> I wasn't sure whether or not to tag this as Sanzo/Goku shipping or not. When I originally wrote this a while back, I think I planned for it to be more of a familial love. However, I don't want to completely rule out the possibility of romantic love. I want to leave this open-ended to interpret their relationship whichever way you wish, since that's usually how it goes in Saiyuki.
> 
> This takes place during Reload Blast, shortly after Sanzo gets burnt in his fight with Kougaiji.

Saying I Love You - A Saiyuki fanfic

  
  


It started just like any other day for Goku. Hakkai had woken him up early to go to the town's market to get food and supplies for the day. Unable to pass up the idea of food, the monkey got up in a heartbeat. He was happily passing along the crowded streets with his monocled companion, when he caught a whiff of a particularly delicious shish-kebab at one of the stands. He counted his money carefully (since handling money is something new to him, now that they can't use the Sanbutsushiin's credit card anymore). His mouth watered as he handed the salesman the coins. He opened up to take the first bite of the morsel, but he froze. 

"I love you," he heard a man behind him say.

"I love you too," replied his female companion.

Goku turned around and saw the way they looked at each other with so much compassion in their smiling eyes. Something about the scene... specifically the words... made Goku feel something strange. Something unfamiliar, which he couldn't place. 

Goku's eyes darted over to Hakkai, who was with the crowd in the middle of the road, a bit behind the couple. He ran back to him.

"Ah, there you are," Hakkai said in mild relief, "I'd begun to wonder where you went. It's easy to lose you when there's this much food around. I see you bought a snack." He looked down at Goku, who was eating his kebab with a very serious expression on his face.

"Is it not to your liking?" Hakkai wondered. When Goku didn't respond and had walked ahead of him, Hakkai became concerned. "Goku, you seem perturbed. Is something wrong?"

The crowd had thinned out a bit at that point, as they had walked away from most of the street vendors. But just then, at that precise moment, he heard it again. 

"I love you, mommy!" exclaimed a little girl, who was walking with her parents. 

Goku felt a pang in his chest. 

"Goku?" Hakkai repeated. He put a hand on his friend's shoulder, which startled him out of his trance.

"Hakkai, what does 'I love you' mean?" Goku asked, with his face downcast. Hakkai's eyes widened with surprise, and the golden eyed boy continued, "I probably heard it before, but... I never really noticed. So many people say it..."

Hakkai smiled his usual bittersweet smile as he bent over slightly to look Goku in the eyes. "It means that you care for that person very much," he explains. "You say it to someone who is very important to you."

"Then..." Goku looks up, suddenly. His once somber expression turns into a look of determination. "Then I love Sanzo! I need to tell him!"

Hakkai could see that Goku's gold eyes were starting to twinkle with tears. "Goku," Hakkai says calmly, "I'm sure he knows. These things don't always have to be expressed explicitly with words. You've risked your life for him so many times, and that's a more honest confession of love than words could ever be."

"...But!" Goku clutched his chest, as if it were in pain, "Just recently... Sanzo almost died when fightin' Kougaiji! He could die any day! Any of us could! An' I don't want him to die not knowin' how I feel!" 

Hakkai saw the glistening tears stream down Goku's cheeks. He handed him a handkerchief that he keeps on him in case of emergencies. Goku took it and wiped his face. "Let's go tell him, then, shall we?" Hakkai suggested, as they walked back to the inn.

  
  
  


When they got back to the inn, Sanzo was sitting at a little table, reading the morning paper. He was trying to act like his usual self, but it was obvious to his companions that his burn wounds hadn't completely healed. He fumbled awkwardly, trying to turn the page with his damaged hand. Gojyo leaned over from the other side of the table and reached a hand out to help him "here, you're highness," Gojyo said sarcastically, "I'll get that for you." Sanzo slapped the half-breed's hand away with his good hand. "I don't need your help," Sanzo muttered, obviously distressed by his handicap. Just then, he noticed the two men with grocery bags at the doorway.

"Hey, you're back!" Gojyo exclaimed, as he got up out of his seat, "Did you get the stuff I asked for?"

"Of course," Hakkai said with charm, as he rummaged through his bag. "Here it is." He said decisively, as he handed Gojyo a cucumber.

Sanzo and Goku snickered at Hakkai's reference to Gojyo's disliked nickname. Kappa are known for liking cucumbers. Gojyo, however, didn't find it amusing. 

"Just kidding," Hakkai said with his characteristic giggle. "I got all the makings for okonomiyaki right here. If you could just help me with a couple things?"

"No problem," Gojyo said. He couldn't stay mad at Hakkai's corny jokes. Hakkai glanced back at Goku with a smile before disappearing into the kitchen. 

Goku realized Hakkai's joke was probably meant to cheer up Goku and Sanzo and lighten the mood. He looked over at Sanzo, who grumbled slightly as he had to put the newspaper down before picking up his teacup with his good hand.

"Hey, Sanzo," Goku nervously broke the silence.

Sanzo looked at Goku with a raised eyebrow as he lifted the cup to his lips.

"Y'know, I got really scared when you got burnt by Kougaiji back there..." Goku admitted, "I thought you'd be a goner."

"Hmph," Sanzo snorted lightly, "I won't die so easily."

"I know, but..." Goku's clasped hands started shaking underneath the table, "We could die tomorrow, y'know? I just wanna make sure... Before that happens, I just wanna let ya know..."

At this point, Sanzo's attention wasn't fully focused on Goku, and he began sipping his hot tea.

"...that I love you, Sanzo."

The priest's hand shook, and hot liquid spilled all over his lap. "FUCK!" Sanzo yelled.

"Oh, shit!" Goku cursed in response, "I'm so sorry!" He could feel himself shaking with guilt.

"What the hell are you doing, you stupid monkey?!" 

Sanzo yelled so loud that Goku felt like he was getting hit. The brown haired boy winced. 

Sanzo stripped off the wet robe. "Don't just sit there, idiot!" Sanzo's voice jolted life into the boy. "Get me some ice!" 

"R-right!" Goku ran into the kitchen to where Hakkai and Gojyo were and took some ice from the fridge without a word. Hakkai and Gojyo gave each other looks, thinking the confession didn't go so well.

Goku returned to Sanzo with a bag of ice. Goku tried to help, but Sanzo ripped it from the boy's hands. "I can handle this myself." Sanzo said in a disgruntled tone, as he pressed the ice against his new burn wound. "I've felt worse." 

Goku stepped back and looked at his savior. The right half of the man's body was still covered in burn scars from his recent battle. And instead of helping, Goku just added to Sanzo's pain...

  
  
  


After the incident, Goku kept his distance from Sanzo for a couple days. "He's sure to hate me now," Goku thought to himself. He didn't know what to expect when saying such a thing to Sanzo. He just wanted Sanzo to know, and now he does, so there's no problem, right? ...At least, that's what Goku tried to tell himself. But deep down, his heart was hurting, because he wanted to know. Did Sanzo love him too? Hakkai said that risking one's life for someone is the ultimate display of love. If that's the case, then Sanzo must love him. But somehow, Goku felt like that wasn't enough. He wanted to hear it from his mouth. From that harsh, familiar voice.

Today was their last day in this particular town. Sanzo was getting antsy and just wanted to move on already. Not that they really had to go, since the Sanzo party was dismissed from their mission. But Sanzo's pride wouldn't let that little immortal twerp take all the credit in taking down Gyu Maoh. As he was packing up his stuff, he saw Goku's things scattered on the floor. "Tch, stupid monkey," Sanzo mumbled to himself as he bent over to grab the articles of clothing. The burn on his stomach stung, and he winced. It had been a couple days since Goku had spoken to him. Goku had been annoyingly clingy since he freed him from Mount Gogyou, years ago. Because of this, his absence was painfully obvious. Sanzo had been separated from him plenty of times before, but that was because of events out of their control. To be so close to Goku like this, yet for Goku to purposely distance himself and give him the silent treatment, was something new. And Sanzo didn't like it.

Sanzo left the room and found Goku in the bathroom, brushing his teeth.

"Oi," Sanzo interjected, as he leaned on the doorway. He still wasn't able to fully support himself on his right foot. 

Goku looked over at him, nervously, the toothbrush still in his mouth.

"I'm not mad about the tea," Sanzo admitted clearly, "I don't give a shit about a little burn like this. It will heal."

When Sanzo says that, Goku's eyes wander to his more severe burns. All that can be seen of it is Sanzo's charred right hand under his glove. But Goku knows it's all over. Much worse than the tea burn. He wonders if Sanzo will ever completely heal. It's going to leave a nasty scar. "I know," Goku replies.

"About what you said," Sanzo continued. His usual confidence was starting to dwindle. "Did you think I was angry about that?"

Goku extracted the toothbrush from his mouth, spit into the sink, and rinsed. "Uh-huh," Goku confessed, "I thought maybe you hated me for sayin' somethin' like that."

Sanzo crossed his arms as he leaned. "And?" He knew something more was bothering him. Goku wasn't good at hiding his emotions. 

Goku tried looking at Sanzo, but he was too scared. "I," he stammered, "I wanted to know if you feel the same."

Sanzo's face grew stern. He looked at him for a second, before taking out his harisen and whacking Goku over the head. "Don't be an idiot!" He yelled before storming out of the bathroom.

"I knew it," Goku cried, sinking to his knees, "he hates me after all."

  
  
  


Telling Goku he loves him would not be an easy feat for Sanzo. Of course he loves Goku. The boy would have to be an idiot to think otherwise. But Sanzo has never said "I love you" to anyone before. Not even to master Koumyou, whom he loved most in the world. Koumyou never had to say it to him, either. Maybe he said it when Sanzo was a baby, but he didn't remember. He never thought much of it. He knew Koumyou loved him. It didn't have to be put into words. But Goku is different from them. After years of isolation, Goku needs to know he's loved, and Sanzo realizes that. It's just so hard for Sanzo to say things like that. It's no secret that he has problems with attachment. He tries so hard not to get attached to anyone, because he's afraid of losing them. So telling Goku that he cares about him would strengthen that attachment, which would be dangerous.


End file.
